This little blog entry has the potential of being a bit wonky, and I'll try to avoid that. It also will shine a bit of light on a long felt and nagging insecurity of mine that has the potential of getting in my way at any time, as a performer, especially when sharing the stage with more "modern" jazz musicians.
Jazz, to many contemporary practitioners, is defined by/as the acquisition of a particular 
"vocabulary'' (harmonic and melodic), much of which was codified after the Great American Songbook/swing era of jazz (the unique time when jazz and popular music overlapped). During this era, jazz was less a product of academic study and acquisition, and more an absorption of and conversation with the existing environment of music and musicians. When describing the process by which this absorption takes place, at least in a very general way, I'll point our that people learn, at the basic level, not through formal study, but by being around others who are already doing whatever it is. A young toddler learns to express spoken language simply through being around others who use it. The early jazz musician, much the same.
Something came clear to me recently; that my struggle to connect with some of the existing "modern jazz" vocabulary may less about the vocabulary and more about the process. This began to come into focus some years ago, when (what I observed to be) Keith Jarrett's music expression/process "clicked' with me. There are some "modern" (post swing/Great American songbook era) players who will describe their music making process as, essentially, decision making (Chick Corea comes to mind), and some as expressing their emotions, or feelings (Bill Evans comes to mind here, who makes a point of separating the necessary mental acquisition of vocabulary and skills from the expression of playing, which draws on that which is acquired, but originates from another place). Of course I have to be careful here. I am not making comment on the abilities of any great musician (whose skills are far above mine), but in that which resonates with me. Expression. For myself, as I'm come to embrace, this is what music making is all about (Charlie Brown). And is connected, ultimately, to why I've struggled with the current world of jazz, and in particular the more "modern" academically codified approaches. And boy, did I just potentially step in a rabbit hole. Perhaps I'll just take a seat here for awhile.