Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Found this (personal) journal entry from July of 2008, when I was beginning the plunge into my first comprehensive theatre experience (as musical director):

"Had a settling point last night while shedding “Island”. Again, it’s - listen to myself, dummy! Funny too, it’s much the same as what I learned on the “other side”. I kept plowing through, hitting it when I could, and cringing when I didn’t (and when in 6 sharps, any sight reading approaching tempo is a crap shoot). How can I learn this way though, and what control will I have? This is just what I was feeling, as the heaviness settled in more deeply. What have I learned? Patient - listening. In each measure, don’t play the next note until I know (and feel) what it is - take my time - don’t approximate. As I did this (not consciously, but perhaps God had enough of my slogging, or it was time to learn the lesson I would have already known, if I were a student (first) and not a teacher), I began to feel that, now (becoming) familiar internal “connection”. I was piloting the ship again. I can do this! Still need to work awhile to get comfortable and up to tempo - but, still, night and day (I am the one?). This is exactly what I would tell students to do, but even then, though the direction was correct, the first hand “insight” was missing. Too much emphasis on being a teacher and not a student. “Those who can’t do, teach”, they say, but not that they don’t understand (now, it seems), they just aren’t students (first). So, this sheds light - Those who “can’t do”, may truly understand, with fine insight - they just aren’t students. Again, now, listen to myself! I keep proving over and over that I know what I’m talking about. I am, though, a poor student, and a slow learner... It’s in the application - being a student and not a teacher. A student teacher. This means patient listening in what I’m doing now, and in all that I apply. In this I connect to God, and find purpose and fulfillment. Be a student now. What do I teach? What can I learn?"


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