It's getting easier, I think; this "zone" of music making that I'm calling the "spiritual" place. Easier to "find", and easier to "navigate". Easier (the use of this word makes me slightly uneasy, suggesting I'll, eventually, find a better way of getting this across) meaning that I have begun to re-tool my mind. To take some liberty with a Bible quote (only for clarity here, and not, to my sense, a departure from the meaning) "Do not be conformed to the slavery and creative/societal stifling of self absorption, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind...". Can I substitute "the slavery and creative/societal stifling of self-absorption" for "this world"? Is the "problem" here the bogey-men and scapegoats without, or the human condition within? Many years ago (when some of my thinking resembled "fundamentalism", more so than today), I was having a conversation with someone after a church service, and was overheard to reference the devil as the culprit for some personal struggle (the detail of which I don't remember). At that point, John (his real name, but his anonymity is secure) interrupted, correcting me that the "problem" was not anything outside of myself for which I could cast blame; I (or specifically, as he pointed out, my own "sin") was the problem. Not much you can say to someone who is dead right (except, eventually, thank you). It is not easy to acknowledge slavery to self, except in the embracing of God. I feel that, as a performer, that I have "access" (potentially) to so much more that even a year ago (I have felt especially connected in the gigs of the past few days). As I have been absorbing this "lesson" over the past months (and sharing parts of it in this journal with you as I go), I sense now that to which I must presently focus, as this journey continues: patience. God's perfect work is brought about through God-inspired patience. I am only beginning to learn. God is truly at work.