Friday, August 17, 2007

Upon reflection:

"There is a reason that the youtube posting has only begun now, and with (almost exclusively) video starting in January of this year. and it is because now, I am ready. There has always been this connection/depth/substance/uniqueness, in my playing, almost since the beginning. I have followed a unique and God-directed path here. Even over 20 years ago (while dating) my wife (who has little use for jazz, and "modern" playing) would tell me how I am unique from others, because "the piano is an extension of my arm", and I pour myself in. The problem is that I have struggled throughout to gain access to this "place", and very often would find myself tied up in knots on stage, and seldom reaching any level that I occasionally would, and knew was there; as did anyone who played/worked with me. One bandleader found this glaring inconsistency with me very frustrating, and called it my "constipation". The reason I feel as I do now about myself, and the potential I have for uplifting others on a larger scale, is because of the "healing" I have experienced from this "bondage" - starting (but not really) in June of last year. With this healing, I can take a video camera to any gig, and be confident that some worthwhile playing will be filmed. With this healing, I can go into the recording studio knowing that I can record (essentially) an entire album (in this case "Do You Hear What I Hear" - the first "post-enlightenment" studio recording") in one session. With this healing, I can have an "off day" and have nothing to be embarrassed about. This is so radically different from before that it cannot be overstated: especially in recordings, where I couldn't connect to save my life. Many things have come together to allow for the "epiphany", that essentially was this realization: When reaching within myself to get "it", I was reaching in the wrong direction, and, for the most part, making matters worse. It is in escaping myself, and self-bondage, and making the "spiritual" - almost (and I truly liken it to this) out-of-body connection, that I am released from self focus, and free to connect with the God-given gift and potential; as God is now much more "part of the process", am I am learning how to "get out of the way". I have likened this to an "artistic born-again experience". "
That kind of sums it up.


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